Thursday, September 04, 2008

craig took some really nice photos at my parents' house of the yard and its environs. I will probably use many of them in future posts, although the post may have little or nothing to do with the photo.  for example:

I passed out today. 

not so much with the "appropriate picture titles" is it?  although, those stairs are going down, so ... well maybe. 

anyway, as I am in the habit of disclosing all manner of unpleasant things that happen to me in great detail:

I went to the doctor today, for a checkup, and at this particular place they have a certain battery of tests that they prefer to do on the unsuspecting patient.  Now, Craig calls me "faint", which I do not really think I am. I can usually get my blood drawn with no problem as long as I don't look.  That time in the BYU student health center was because I hadn't eaten in like, weeks; and that time in March at the E.R. was totally his fault.  He even admits it. 

SO. I'm sitting in the chair looking at all the lovely scenery that they have taped to the wall so people who don't want to watch the gore have something relaxing to look at. I wait some seconds, and hear some ticks, and she puts another vial in. and then again. and again. and again. 

hello, kristen. this is your imagination. (my imagination is pink) how much blood, exactly, do you think she is going to suck from your arm today, huh? and how's that little tourniquet feeling around your bicep? feeling a bit... swollen? woozy? that needle doesn't feel very small either... 

the nurse finished, and taped the gauze on my arm, and I said, "I think I need to put my head down a bit."

"Okay honey. you just lay your head down right here. I'll go get you some water."

And then the nausea came, and the cold sweat. By the time she got back I had apparently lost all of my color and I was dripping wet. She wiped me down with a wet cloth on the face and neck and then called someone in to "help me get her to a bed."  you're kidding, right? you don't think I'm actually moving, do you?  They hoisted me up between them and started walking me out of the lab, past all of the other patients waiting to go to the lab, (one kind young man offered his seat but they "no no'ed" him) and started to lead me around the corner to the hallway where, apparently, there was a close bed. 

I didn't make it. 1) I felt AWFUL. This was no graceful swoon a la Henrietta Musgrove at the sight of her dear sister's prone form.  This was a shaking, stumbling, probably drooling woman on the arms of two crazy nurses. 
2) I really really felt the urge to go to sleep. I kept closing my eyes and getting yelled at. 

I remember thinking to myself, please, God, don't let me..  and then I was kneeling on the floor, some feet away from where I remember having been, being lowered down on my back into two more sets of hands. I heard someone say "get the smelling salts" and I remember thinking that was funny, because who uses those anymore? 

doctors, apparently. 

and they smell really bad. 

to shorten: I was salted, fanned, cold toweled, watered, asked how much I had eaten and why on earth didn't I tell her that I wasn't good with blood?, and made to lie down (they got me to an actual bed eventually. I'm not sure how long I was on the floor). It was all very embarrassing; especially when my resident doctor walked by and stared at my helpless and surrounded form and said, surprised, "Hello!"  I kept myself from the shut up and go away and never ever speak to me again response in my head. Possibly because I couldn't really talk just then.

Fun times, huh? Gah, I've had enough drama for one year!

7 comments:

Gurgy said...

Oh poor baby!! Long distance hugs from us. But I have to tell you it runs in the family, your mom and your uncle bill BOTH can't do needles or blood ROFL...ahem... sorry about that. Hope your feeling better soon....

Hugs,
Antie

Nanette said...

bwahahahah! Aw! You painted that scene so perfectly! Let's hope the subsequent visits go much better, eh?!

pikula family said...

Oh my goodness, I have to stop reading your blog at work. I was laughing so hard and my eyes teared up from laughing so hard. Your writing is wonderful, I am just sitting there watching it happen. SO FUNNY...sorry, and I hope everything goes better for you next time. I needed a good story like that today though THANK YOU!

Megan said...

Kristen, it is nice to hear of someone else who faints. My last fainting spell was at the eye doctor.

the lunch lady said...

I, too, have experienced smelling salts. But I didn't make it to the floor.

Maybe a good blood letting would help?

henryteachers said...

What a day you had! Hope you won't have to give blood again soon and you're feeling better. I just gave blood and had to eat a granola bar right before or I probably would have passed out too.

Erin said...

Ha ha ha! You are such a girl, how on Earth do we have so much in common? I love it.