Yesterday my family was headed out to the zoo in the morning and I stopped to slap on some lipstick and mascara before I ran out the door. My oldest son stopped to talk to me:

Him: Why are you doing that? It's not like you have a date or something.

Me: I do it to avoid looking like a hag, dear. You don't want people to walk by and think, "That poor boy, his mother is such a HAG" now do you?

Him: Well, putting on too much lipstick can have that same effect, you know.

I Turned around and grabbed his face and planted one big shiny pink one on his cheek. Teach him to share his opinions...